So here's going to be the post I'll never say my appreciates. Cause its The OOMA story begins again.

Because right from the start, I never knew it was you that I liked, it was you that I dreamt, and it was you who was my first. I never did. But now, it seems all the obvious that something had to prove it all-wrong? I couldn't hold on to the perfectly fine memories you created cause its condescending to the bitterhood of the future.
You exist, resulting a conquest to this puny innocent heart. You exist, just to prove this being the pain from falling apart. And, once again, you exist, in the time you're not supposed to.
Everything was at its own pace until you entered and start a heartbeat. Where was I to call for you when the reason was too vague? I only dared to call for a holding hands which was far apart from the real situation. You could only confide me with your fake words, hoping I'd soothe in, whereas, I won't. You'd be the very person I'd ever talked for hours via words and languages. But yet all I feel was uncertainity that grows in you. I no longer held the faith I usually do. Cause ultimately I failed to love. Which sad to say, I always do and always will. Maybe all I need is the old you and not the who you. Unless my words could only be condensing with the air I breath out, all this hopes will never come true. Speak my word, and it happen.

Like everyone said, no matter what a failure still have the mark as a failure eventhough after being a winner. Likewise, I've been, or once been, a 'Love Failure', who never gets an A1 but a terrible F9.

The week's practically over. And if you would ever asked me if I there's any I would look forward for the weekends, probably studying and just studying. Serious speaking there's nothing interesting to look forward to this weekend except for school purposes et cetera.
I couldn't have explained further on Choir prac today, but I feel the tense arousing at every miliseconds I breathe.

I've just recovered and I'm yet to talk to anything now. I had to tell you staying at home for a day and a quarter at home was a no fun at all especially when all your other classmates were in school while you, lying in your sickbed, waiting for medicine hours and rest periods. I tell you, don't ever get sick and worst, to obtain a 2days MC. Too terribleee.
School period was fun, indoubts. And I had to save up for lunch break. But later couldn't hold on to my stomache anymore and ended up eating a plate of a dollar meal after school. A dollar saves me up.
Just too much of a coincidence, it doesn't seem to rain today(or does it? Godddd.) and I'm technically so so harrrpy happy mood now, with no reason. So in a nutshell, whenever I'm feeling really really down, the weather will just rains and if not, it shines. Ohhooh.

That will be just all for my own pathetic short entry to cover up for the previous number of entries I've missed on. oh.oh.
BYE, blovvers.

P.S. Last night, I found out that there's someone that needs the same "incurable impossibilities" as me and was exactly in the same boat as me. I can't believe it happens too coincidentally.

I fell. I cried. And no one lend me a helping hand.
I felt useless for one second, and the other, I was laughed at.
Yes, I practically fell, in the rain. Heavy rain. On the stairs. In my sick condition. In my tattered old pants. And in my bad ever mood.
All I could ever say at that moment was,'How can I be punished like this when I've done nothing wrong?!!!'
Everything was ultimately wronggg!!!!!
Or probably was I?
I hate to be like this? I wanted to cry my hearts out, but I don't have a shoulder to lie on. I wanted to scream and shout, but I'm in no position to.
I don't want to be sick, but I can't control myself, in fact, I can't control everything. From A to Z, I'm falling, drowning, to a world, where I'm completely lost. Lost to the world.
I felt really scared. Really terribly scared. I needed the warmth embrace, I'm longing for.

Why am I so afraid to crash down and lose my heart again
I don't know, I can't see, what's come over me
Why am I so afraid to break down and lose my mind again
I don't know, I can't see, what's come over me

Everyone, I'm sorry.

Well, I assumed you heard the blogsong. Its 'Drive'by VanessaHudgens.

Pretty girls can choose to have their dream boy. Petty girls get whatever boy that surpass them. While girls like, pathetically only dreaming. How many ink of highlighter must I used to highlight the word pathetic. Really pathetic.

As long as I'm under my parents surveillance, I'm just like the bird trap in its yet golden cage. My dreams, was theirs. My achievements, was theirs. And apparently, my choice, would leave to be theirs. I was at no position for my own future, even. Isn't that more than a word pathetic. Moral:you should appreciate the least basicc yet simple life cause compared to mine, your's was absoulutely better than mine. I dared bet you my life. However, with the people whom swarm around me making my day happier each day, was enough as to call a beautiful life.

Frankly speaking, I was indeed grateful to be in where I am now, with my superb awesome mates whomever I may refer to. I couldn't dare to list out the names here, cause my memory wouldn't uphold all the to-be-appreciated names up here to my blog entry. Completely mission impossible.

Just to short-formed, to whom who read this, even if you have the slightest, lightest or a gust of wind feeling that you were one of whom I might refer, just considered you were cause you caredd to continue to endure my long-winded entry post.

So, I love you, blovvers.

P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY RASYIDAH. May you have a blessed years ahead.
P.P.S. Today, Dad quoted that 'dreaming with courage, is useless.' And that leaves me with something in mind.
P.P.P.S. Regina, its not about giving up, its hoping for the impossible-OOMA. Hah, Iheartyou. My.Best.Mate.

After choir, me and Joelyn went to Admiralty bazaar to search for food cause apparently we were famished. Then, met Fazyra on our way. We chatted about choir then she went separate ways and said our goodbyes.

Joelyn keep doing U-turns from one point to another in order to conclude what to eat. As well as, confusing me. Ended up, she bought a 1.50 NasiLemak and I bought a taskoyaki(???) and a BPsausages for myself. We reserve a sit at McD and eat our dinner there. Pretty pathetic cause the other were like eating fast food(which was considered a high-off standard than NasiLemak and Japanese food.) while we were eating something bought at a cheap-skate place. Welllohh, I have to save up cause Mum says I've been splurging a lot that she gives me 10dollars for today and next week and yet to count my money left, probably less then 5dollars. Yea so right. 5dollars to survive for the whole of the next week. Lets just see how possible.

At McD, I met Farhan, Raziq and Shafiq. Afterwards, realise that Sheela, Illya and Haizan were far behind our table and then was recognized by Regina.

Pretty much, me and Joelyn talk a lot just now. 80% were about the males and the other 20% were miscellaneous. Since Joelyn was one of the many few people that knows about OOMA, we were practically deciding on the grades we wanted to rate OOMA. My hearts tickle a bit everytime we talked about OOMA and how Joelyn loves to say,'Did you see him? Then why so emo?' Thats so LOL.
I asked her if she could see any flaws in OOMA's. Apparently, she nodded yes. She listed all the negative things and I commented in my personal point of view how the 50% were right and the other 50% were definite wrong(speaking as if I know this guy a million years.)

I think there's just all for today. DAA blovvers.

P.S. Sacha, I take back my words on Wednesday. The number 1st priority is still OOMA and so will the 2nd, 3rd, 4th and so on. Because tracking back, there couldn't be one other person more that I like than you-know-who.
P.P.S. To all my dear classmates who intended to read my diarryy, superrrr sorry. Your wish shan't be granted. Too bad. I might reconsider it again. LOL.
P.P.P.S. I'm sorry. I lied.

Today, practically was the happiest ever since 2009 started.

Already the first day in the morning, does this 'The Happy Story' starts. Just to sum up, I walk with OOMA to school. In your point of view, 'yeaa. So what.' But people, unless you haven't had this affectionate towards someone, you wouldn't know. Trust me, this is neutral second nature.
Oh, I'm so feeling in seven heaventh. I'm serious. This is my ever first time to be in great intensity of happiness like this. I know. I might sound like the girls who does nothing at all but shout, but bohyy, it couldn't be controlled. Okay, 'The Happy Story' officially says its THE END here.

Moving on, if you realize the time I posted this entry, its almost or barely past midnight. Hence, having to update a blog at late midnight, I couldn't possibly write a whole chunk of my day now. So probably this will be the end of my post. So after all, the 'moving on' is fake.

I don't feel welcome anymore
baby, what happened, please tell
me 'cause one second it was perfect
now you're half way out the door

P.S. Gee, I'm super sorry that I hitted you. It wasn't meant to, but an accident.
P.P.S. I seriously can't believe this would all be too much of a coincidence.

Just came back from Choir practice. To sum up for the practice today, we didn't collaborate with the conductor too much. Pretty much self practice. Everytime Mr L walks past our region or stands apart but far enough to hear us, my heart rate will starts to increase and all went wrong from pitching to lyrics(whatttt??).
After choir, I walked with Atikah to the opposite bus station but didn't board the same bus. I guess at least after 2 bus passes, then I took the 3rd bus(how this sentence prove my idioticy. 'Kaykay, the idiot takes the 3rd bus'.lol.).
Afterwards, I reached home seeing the familiar faces and then rants just about my day. Whooa.
I hate the day it strikes the 1st anniversaryyy. Oh I hate it.

I guess my brain can conquer this much memory for the day only. So, nighty night with your mighty might.
Love is neverafter.

P.S. My ears are upfilled with Kate Voegele songs. Ooh.
P.P.S. Maybe its one true time since then, but I promised you I lied.

I love the rain. I absolute does. It was raining on my way back home. At one second, I wasn't at all pleased cause I'll be drenched by the time I reached home and mum will give me a redneck, the other second, I guess its not too bad at all. After all, raining seems to help me a lot in drowning my sorrows.
Passers-by stare at me with their disbelief eyes. I don't care for the moment but then, oh boy, I'm wearing my uniform. I rushed to my block and was undenyingly drenched. Selena open the gate and give me that I-don't-care-if-you're-wet-or-not look. One word:Pathetic.
If I have to continue, then get ready your blankets and pillows, cause its hefty long.
I guess I'd end here. Tuition ahead laterrr. Oh.Oh.
Daa, blovvers.

Why does things have to turn out this way? Correction:always turn out this way. The way, I don't what it to be. Why?
Why can't probably I get my first? Correction:When.
I'm seriously sick and tired of this attitude of, mine . Always, me. I've strive, and indeed I had. But why can't people just see me differently.
Where are my shoulders when I need them to cry on? Indeed it was a hurtful yet beautiful mistake. I wasn't known till last night. Like, mygee, it gives me 99.99% assurance of my doubts. The other 0.01%, left with the person itself. It gives me just this too much fractional assurance that its COMPLETELY UNDOUBTLY IMPOSSIBLE. Afterall, everyone is right-worthless.
From now onwards, I illegally pledge to the QueenOfLove, to cupid who might aimed an arrow on me one of my days, that I won't be easily fall. I don't wish to be like Romeo&Juliet, sacrifices for their unsakely undying love. With whom, I might highlight that, oh boy, I'm still 14, for heaven's sake. This was all a pretty good moral slappings on me. The short-lived happiness, hereby I declare, end here. Goodbye, love.
(I didn't care whoever you refer to as long as there's someone, the best I could help you is give up. Probably I lose but I guess losing isn't an issue at all cause I've been too selfish and self-centred to myself all this while. Eventhough, I've loose control of having to have admiration towards you, oh, I sided okay. For all I know, right from the start, everything was just wish, desire and impossible dreams. A temporary fairytale, in the storybook. Existed but never possible in coming true. GodBlessYou. You're forever, my first.)

Moving on, I don't want to use too much space on my rants and cryings for this post(eventhough, I had). Choir today was nevertheless a good ending to the last day of my week. Absolutely not. In fact, always. Although I seem to have beam for the entire day, just let me inform you, I've been faking a smile cause it kills me more to have them console me. That's holy pathetic phrase. Like Sacha said, 'look forward to the weekends'. Sigh, the more I think of weekends, the tempted I am to take the lift to the 12th floor and jump down because
VALENTINE'S DAY sucxx for me. Someone like me.
I had knowledgebly horrendous hours of TUITION.
SCHOOL ASSIGNMENT are keeping me away from leisure&relaxation.
+++, I'll definitely be staying in for the whole of 2days which well I may say el muy sux. Okay, fine I'm left with the last words now and just saying a few more.

(P.S. If I know that this will be the ultimate outcome, I dare being invisble.)
(P.P.S. It was once a once upon a time. Now its a never ever after ending.)

For the second time;
Goodbye love.

Eventhough, the situation right now has kind of pulled me down, I still realised that me having a friends was a not at all bad. Maybe they were being overly-cared and concerned that i overlooked the matter. It was really hard at first, but though, I've overcomed.
Gaining or losing is not important in life, as long as everyone's together. What matters than being with you loved? If you have to achieve something but deavour it alone, wouldn't that seems a sad thing?
Well, we can overcome anything with just a smile in one's face. That's the greatest that one can heal the heartbroken. Maybe its not now, but the future. You will realised.

Today, I've discovered that behind the silence of someone, indeed there's silence they hide. I've also realised that this person, have yet to reveal his inner feelings outrightly. First time in my lifetime, ever allowed to listened to a guy's heartbeat. Sensitivity, he upholds deep down inside. Though, I can't hear his words in his voice, I can't hear his words in his heart. TrulyMadly, I'm touched. Deeply. Couldn't have imagined he had such a vulnerable heart? It turns out that everyone's mistake cause to the worng interpretation.

Also, today, on my journey to and fro CSP, I've unintentionally stumble into conversations. I was browsing at Causeway's Popular and there's got a couple whom I guessed might be from the teenage age group. They were saying about Valentine and stuff. How I envied them. In my whole, teen years, never had I dared to dream of having a Valentine. Its an idiotic at first, but after doing some pathetic research, on how when the cupid struck an arrow on us. Forget it oh. Its not as if they're my worries now.
GOT.TO.GO.
DAA.
P.S. Even if I like you, it doesn't matter. The outcome will be the same.

When you're sad,when you're feeling low,when you're hurt and don't know where to go.
Think of me-there I'll be, anytime you need a friend.
When you're down, and your luck runs out, or if you're in trouble or in doubt.
It's OK-turn my way, anytime you need a friend.
When you're scared, I will stay with you, when you feel you're falling, I'll lift you.
When you're heart breaks, I'll ease your aches, whatever it takes.
I'm in-anytime you need a friend.
All our lives, anywhere we are.
Just reach out-I'll never be too far.
Come what may, there I'll stay, anytime you need a friend.
Now until the very end, anytime you need a friend.
Anytime, whatever it takes, anytime, anywhere.
Anytime you need a friend.

If you realised, I've changed my blogsong to 'Anytime You Need A Friend' sang by BeuSisters. I've personally dedicated this to Regina, just right after reading her recent entry. I thought, this few words in the lyric might help her to see that she's not alone in the world. Also, this song is dedicated to all my Blov-vers who really need a friend to rely on. 'Its ok, think of me, anytime you need a friend'.

About my absence from school today, don't further clarify. Just to cut in short, I was in the hospital for the whole afternoon. Have to log off soon. I'm doing my Chinese assignment(!!!).

P.S. Yet to miss choir. Sigh. I hate today):
P.P.S. Regina, don't write those kind of sad entries anymore. I'm more likely to be the one in the crying than urging you. You just have to move on and care less. Sometimes they might not realised that they're abandoning you. Whatever it takes, anytime you need a friend. I, I mean we, heartsyouregina!
P.P.P.S. Valentine's will be like 3more days and I'm coughing up to save for my girlfriends and probably OOMA. Sighsighsigh.

It was Barbie's 50th birthday on 6Feb last Friday.
Lol. I still remember my childhood years playing with Barbie. Thinking of it now, seems juvenile. Tell me, which baby girl won't be playing with dolls, at least?

Today, I just came to know that if ever mum's biggest wish was granted, I will be leaving. I mean leaving Singapore. Frankly, speaking, its partly me and Selena's wish to. But after all, it doesn't seem to be a good idea to come up with. The reason for mum's wish is that she thinks living off in another people country would seem much more secure than here though we have no relatives to depend on. In fact, thats the whole point. Living here, mum was always be the one the others depend on and whenever mum needed them, they turn their backs. It was sad to say, I'm fractionally involved. She says she doesn't feel she belongs here anymore. I fear, she loose control. I told her that, she still have me, Selena and Dad whom she can turn to.
Since, Grandma passed on last year, she have changed a whole new her. She has been more proactive in the household and even trivial matters like me hanging out with friends et cetera. She's been overly worked that has been a day she's sicked tremendously.
As I see her, I cried silently, thinking how we as a family shall lead on from then. Before, we still have Grandma to heed for advice and to lead us, but then, she wasn't around. We need to be independent. Mum start to show off her fiery mode and was being stricter to me as the 'sister' and a grown-up teenager. She seems to have put all her efforts and faith on me and I am nowhere to disappoint her anymore.
Sometimes, though physically I still have my friends and Selena, I still think that I was alone to be carrying this too-mature life.
Sigh.
This is the journey of one's life? Probably.

I've always envied those people. Without questions. I mean, look at me. Who in the world, ever freaking single care about who it would turn out to be? No one. Except. The.Only.Pathetic.Myself.

Its been a real whole mistake at first. For whom, I don't care.
Can anyone just figure it out themselves? Asking questions with apparent answers are a whole scene of idiot belles. And to whom, I may infer, it considered them all. If you're going to breakthrough, I follow you.
Cause the genuine thing that ever occured on me was you. I've been trying so hard to understand, but it seems that the wall of blockage was way thicker than I've ever imagined it would turn out to be.

Why would no one just think this being as a Saint and not a Devil. For at least one moment of my life, why can't you call me as your friend and not a helper? And for one reason after another, why must it always be me who will always be your shoulder to cry on? And in return, if I were the one in problems, would you lend me your listening ears? Obvious answer:NO. You would always be first to turn your back. Why? Because your perception of a friend is maximum, a helper. I don't inch care anymore cause everytime I do, you betrayed.

For once, I've never dreamt this far. But because of you, I have.

I've started to discover the symptoms to my current sorrowness. Despite, that it heals no more.
I'm feeling equally bored as yesterday. Today, definitely, I was telling off a lie. And I'm restless of this guilty conscience. I hated lying especially when they give off a deep remark.
I rushed back home, eating the 3for$1 sardines puffs and creamy nuggets bought at the convenient store near our school with Asyura. She had HML, while me laying off my heads back home.(Sigh.Wish life don't necessary need intelligency.Sigh.)
Again, for the uncountable of times, my room was re-renovated and I was pretty impressed with the outcome. My translucent bloody red curtain was replaced with a pale white with yellow linings ones; the wall that leads to an aisle in my room was pasted(or screwed) with the paper plates with a vintage designs on it arranged in a red&black alternate order and it turns out I have a red&black checkered walls!; my art gallery section over the corner of my room was framed with those flickering lights; my used-to-be faded white ceiling was hanged with those hearts dropdowns. And let me tell you, the credit goes to mum, not me cause apparently when I went back home, the room appeared perfectly fine as it is now. Its too much to appreciate.
Early this morning, I woke up at 3:45AM and realised that I've slept on my study desk unintentionally while studying last night. I tossed and turn and just couldn't get back to sleep. In the end, I ended up reading TrulyMadlyYours for the whole 1h++, with the dim-yellow side lamp to avoid from getting a nag from mum the first thing I get out of bed.

I'm physically freezing right now, though the weather seems pretty fine. I think, I better get a third shower.
So, dadadida.