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♡ thanks, appreciated.
Sunday, March 29, 2009, 8:24 PM
I love her.
I love her for always been there for me, with me. I love her forever&always. |
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♡ i'm trying not to be the assertive one.
Saturday, March 28, 2009, 6:41 PM
Dear Friend,
Well in the first place, do you even see me as a friend? Perfect, if the present you, answers me, well then I don't need a friend. Like you. Half of the time, I felt contented and belonged, while the other half, I felt really outcast. Invisible. Its a horrid feeling to say. I'm not pampering on myself, and if I have, I'm trying not to. I'm trying to pull myself through to not be so dependent. But the camaradie between us was far too bold. Its like the river and its bank. Impossible to be detached. Eventhoughwe had everything through together, it was only within a timeline of bliss, but not the roughs one. You neglected me, like the way I used to felt. The feeling of *sigh*, being indifferent. Perhaps, everything meant to flow this way. Dear you-know-who, You know, maybe everyone-he,she,they-were right. About you. I don't know. Afterall, I find it pointless. Really pointless. Cause first, I can't, and you won't. Perhaps, you're still the second, but still, from the present view, you're forever the first. Saying won't do anything to help in this estrange. Okay, I totally won't content-ed him in my entry anymore. I try. I try. Oh maybe, I will. But. Can. I? Unless, everyone shuts up. Its approachign evening, and I had to stop delaying on my notebook. Orelse. P.S. my velleity: find a soul who could unravel this too-long-had-been-assert heart♥ |
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♡ my, its started to grows.
Monday, March 23, 2009, 8:43 PM
Alright, term 1 officiall ended a week ago and a brand new term grows to start.
Though, it didn't began well. Okwell, I shuddup. Why is everything ahead of me going at it's full speed? I can't keep up to the pace. No I can't. I'm trying but I keep falling into the holes of the wheel of life that it gaves me to giving up. Enough is enough. I don't care. |
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♡ tiramisu parfait&hot cocoa milk vol.I
Thursday, March 19, 2009, 9:47 PM
Its a long long long list of things to post here but I'm extremely upbeat.
Guess, I'll update the rest tomorrow. tiramisu parfait&hot cocoa milk vol.II- follow up. P.S. I never and wouldn't be trying anymore. Its been all right, since ever. I never knew it'll be this hard. I hate everything that you does cause I've been too in love in the things you did. P.P.S. Though I never mentioned, I do, did, have. |
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♡ AppleCrisp-with crunchy oat and pecan streusel topping.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009, 9:40 PM
I, SYARAFINA, HEREBY PLEDGE, AS A 14 YEAR OLD WRSS TEENAGE GIRL, THAT I ♥ OOMA! |
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♡ a layer of caramel on a light cheesecake.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009, 2:53 PM
I've tried to get you off my mind, I don't know what to comment on Choir today-anymore. All I got to sum up is, we almost get pulled out from SYF. That was huge. Really. Till the extend that practice was only for 45minutes, and the other quarters were self reflection. Afterwards, walk to Admiralty with Joelyn as usual and ordered an iceblended drink.(Bytheway, I sprained my ankle on the way down to the stairs and it still hurts now. Owuh.) We keep on bypassing each bus that surpasses us, and everytime it does, Joelyn will ask me,'This bus?' But most of the time, I replied the next one, ended up, more than 10bus that arrives before us, before we actually board a bus to interchange. We said our goodbyes, and I head back home. Awh, end of my day. Wash up, then had lunch with Dad. I did a little schoolwork and continue plurking.. Now, then I realised, how being a single child was bad to a lonely life. Really missing Selena. I've been praying all night, that phone would rung and the school administrator would have want mum and reported that Selena was homesick. I really miss her. Without her, I have no one to bicker with. The house seems so serene, but creepily silent. I miss her old naggings about me overly cared about my schoolwork and pay less and no attention to her. Missed how she would come my room and make a mess out of my wardrobe, searching for a perfect outfit to fit her day-mood. Now, everything seems to settle down. But its quite a good exercise for me, to be independent. Anyway, its only a 3-day-night camp and she'll be back latest by tomorrow. Okay, I'm logging off. Da, blov-vers. They are so Kawaii. P.P.S.(are these the feelings of liking someone? if the other person doesn't realize that you like them, then what? do i tell him? forget it la. i'm not thinking about him, right? what am i doing exactlllyyy? even if i like him, so what?) P.P.P.S. OOMA, perhaps you are the world's most scariest terrorist. In a short time, you have taken huge steps across the distance and into my heart.- adapt from 鬥牛, 要不要. |
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♡ dad's baked sweetpotato gave rebecca the drools.
Monday, March 16, 2009, 11:56 AM
I'm fated to be home-alone. And this time without Selena.
She went for her p5 camp. Lol, and me hear, all alone, just seeing dad off to work, and boo-yah, I'll conquer the whole universe of this unit of mine. Lol. Next eating breakfast with you father was the worst, especially when his culinary skills gets an F9. All I have for breakfast is the leftover ones from the morning, skinnyfries, chickennuggets, fishfillets and a big cup of milo. Do you see the amount of carbs, a 14 year old, can gain??? Well, I don't care-intially. But if this were to continue, I end up being the butterball belle. Currently, was IM-ing with Rebecca. The weather doesn't seem good. God, choir practice is few hours away and boy, I hopes it rains no more. Practice wouldn't go on smoothe with the rain. But being in the cold once in awhile, seem to be enjoying. Hmm. Dad, do bake for me a few sweet potato, so that I won't go starving the whole afternoon. Now, that he's off to his afternoon shift, I'm completely alone. And its not that I'm getting the creeps of living alone for the entire day, but its just that I'm not used not having Selena around to buttle(any spelling mistakes, whatever.) with. Now that she'll not be home any sooner for 3days, then, I guess I have to adapt in. Okeydokey, I'll terminate here. Tooodeeydeedoo, blov-vers. L.O.V.E. |
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♡ reciper1: like adding caramel toppings on cheesecake
Sunday, March 15, 2009, 8:19 PM
I've started to feel less and less affectionate.
I'm starting to hate myself for being too sensitive. I'm feeling so incomplete. Breathless. Empty. Inside. I hate this kind of feeling. I don't want to start the whole sad story over and over again. Cause then, I would be such a girl, who never feels happy. I wanted to put my best smile. But then, they say, its too transparent. Never yet to be an opaque smile. Had, I know all this will come to an end, I never would have to shout the starting point. |
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♡ if i spare a penny for your thought, i'll be broke.
Thursday, March 12, 2009, 7:04 PM
Lorddd, only after this mandarin CA test was practically over, had I the courage to update since last night, which was desperate.
School was all I say perfectly fine until after recess. I shan't confessed cause it my affects this person views. Dillon make me smile again with all the tetchy disturbance. That causes my mood to uplift. Lol, Dillon, thanks-indirectly. God, I don't know what I'm writing anymore. A compound of rubbish. Well, actually, having this blog existed in the first place was to be as honest as possible of my feelings. But I failed that part, cause I've been going around lying how I felt. Never want to assert myself like Mia in PD had. True right, my feelings have worth. But how much can it worth but consecutively getting hurt. Blov-vers, you won't understand. Even if reading this feels likes a total bummer of nonsensical rubbish to you, then maybe you're few in those millions who was fortunate enough to have the beautifull life all along your 14years. Not me. Not yet. I guess. By the time, I reached 14, I felt the neglect of warmth and trust from he, she, them. Yes, I can look all happy on the outside, wearing a mask, but who knows what this puny little feeling condense into sadness. Even the person, I depend most, heads aside. Sighs. For a person like me, is there still ceased warmth, which I yearned for? Preferably, not, I guess. It was bad enough pathetic was the word, but does it means ending the world. Absolute no. Sigh, whardd a life am I leading for. P.S. Specifically for Zena's reference, for whom has been asking me what is OHM, when initially it's spelt as O.O.M.A., its an abbreviation for Object Of My Affection. Don't ask why what it means. Full stop. |
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♡ worth lesson(s) of crying.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009, 12:00 AM
I know, it has been a mistake, right from the start. You might think I'm bulletproof but I'm not. I'm sick and tired of your attitude. But I'm feeling like I don't know you. You said that to me but cut me down.
Precise. Another Syarafina's badd baddd baddie day. To mark off this bad day, firstly in the morning I got internal cramps but mum keep lecturing on the fact of my unbalanced eating diet. Next, PE barbarically el muy sucx. And then on, I'm starting to hate the day, forecasting the bad events later wards. During Geography, I wasn't on guard-again, and give off my group the 2nd chance. God, I better need to brush up with Mindmax methods to focus. Whoaaa. Choir Mayday starts after all my pathetic unnecessary blue funk. I'm one rueful person, who just can't sing to the perfect tune, pitch and each nitty gritty things to be taken care of. Beside me, accompanied by my junior, the Sec1s, and with me singing the wrong pitch, tune, headtone, its just a disappointment. Totally. Just right after choir something I wish I'd born blinded to caught sight of. Forget about asking me what it is okay? Cause its an unwritten story. The clouds start to sign darkness, approaching the night and signalling downpour. Took the direct opposite bus with Atikah since its raining and I have NO SLIGHTEST MOOD to walk back to Admiralty. Afterwards, board the bus that stops near my estate and saw a guy(upper secondary, in fact) taking the same bus as me. The Humiliation: On the 1st stop, everyone wants to alight and I and thattt guy was standing and apparently blocking the only exit. Then there's got this Indian kids pushing me to alight and the next second I know, my head tilts to his body. Let me tell you, that's a so OHMYGOD seconds I've ever had. After 'they' alight, I tried to scarce my sight of him and look at particular one direction and not towards his. With luck at all my side, he alight off first. Well initially I wanted to alight at the 2nd stop since its raining at it sheltered me all the way to my block but since 'then' happen, I decided if he alight, I just have to run through the rain-for uncountable of times, just to save up a face of mine. In the midst of rain-running, all I ever wanted at that moment was, "why in the worldddd?????" I reached home and all I get is Selena's unwanted comments like what's wrong with your hair?;it looks too much of a broom than a hair;lord, you're wet-please clean yourself, i hate wet creatures,ewk. (Oh, and bytheway, did I look like a 'creature' than a sister to her?). All her comments just add to my temperament that causes me to banged the metallic bank-look-alike gate in front of her and get her to yell at me. Mum and dad was rectifying my mistake with an absolute cold tone that I should have not shown my temper even if I'm helplessly worn out. Saw pizzas(only 2) on the dining table and thought of any feast that I've forgotten today. Turns out, mum didn't cook for dinner. I didn't jumped for joy seeing the sumptuous food on the dining table, like I always did, cause my day was bitter enough to have had the appetite. Oh, a day I shouldn't kept in memories. I think I'm starting a new and in fact renewing a chapter of my life. Boy, its approaching felony since I udpdate this entry. So, before your electric bills shoot up, I better say my goodbyes. Its all or nothing at all. |
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♡
Sunday, March 8, 2009, 4:15 PM
Okay, so here's my malay debate speech.
MAUDUK: remaja melayu kini terlibat dalam banyak masalah sosial kerana kurangnya didikan agama(pencadang). Selamat sejahtera pada teman hadirin sekelian, Cikgu Shikin, dan tidak lupa kumpulan penyanggah di sana yang teramat dihormati. Saya, Syarafina, selaku pembahas pertama daripada kumpulan pencadang, kini ingin mengupaskan definasi-definasi daripada mauduk kita pada hari ini iaitu “remaja melayu kini terlibat dalam banyak masalah sosial kerana kekurang didikan agama”. TOTAL WORDS:404 |
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♡ nervouswreck
Saturday, March 7, 2009, 2:08 PM
Kay, I'm back to square one. Empty inside but filled on the outside. Don't understand? The better.
Well, I really had to update on the previous days. Its been an prodigiously days lately. Choir yesterday was, all I could comment much more palatial than on Wednesday. Ms Grace keep pointing out that each and everyone one of us are special that this song is playing on my mind.
But that's so typical of all the things I am"
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♡ true, the queen of cure is LOVE?
Thursday, March 5, 2009, 11:21 PM
Pardon about the lack of entries lately. I've been down with so many things for the past few days that I had no time for the updating and stuff.
Its half an hour before midnight, and I'M HERE ON MY STUDY DESK, SITTING ALONE, LISTENING TO THE RAINDROPS, WITH THE COLD YET STARRY WEATHER AT NIGHT. Selena was asleep and obviously mum and dad left us alone home for they're working night shifts tonight. So home survivor1 has slept and these home survivor2 is still full awake, drilling yet struggling on her mathematics algebra. Lord, its taking me more than half an hour to have get it right for a quarter of the understanding!!! I'm really trying to catch up on the syllabus even though, I had to burn the midnight oil and wake up with a panda eyes in the morning. I have not been getting good sleeps, even though I promised to. But, bohy, can't help it. School was all I could say moderately fine except for some woes I had to myself(which was honestly, truly, frankly, too personal.) Then I had to attend for mandarin lessons and all the toneless lesson. And for extra special warning, I'M HAVING MY CHINESE CA1 NEXT WEEKKKKK!!! And I'm yet unable to write more than 50words. Ohmyyyyyheavennn! I better start the stressing from this weekend cause its ohmygod almost a week away. Oh.Oh. Anyone? Cared to volunteer coached me for Chinese?? And I need a volunteer, which means FOC, not a tutor. Fine, its useless. No one will. Ohh. Dreaddd. I don't wish to get a red mark againnn. Moving on. Choir drilling will commenced again tomorrow at 1:15PM-sharp, not even a millisecond late-, in Woodlands Ring Secondary School, at first floor, in the music room, with dreadyy cold temperature inside and with the tension arousing again. Tomorrow, oh bohy. Everyone, and I mean every-choir-one, do your maximum best tomorrow! "I met my Bashert*** last night and I want to make a blessing: tell me the correct one to say.” Goodbye, love. Or Blov-vers. P.S. Asyura, CHEER UP, hunns! Nothing can set you back any further downwards. I'm like only an inch away as your listening ears. Ily. P.S.S. Cause without you, I can't breathe. I can't live a day without you. (((***Reference purposes:Bashert means a preordained soul mate).)) |