THIS'LL BE THE LAST ENTRY FROM YOU GUYS'D GET FOR THIS WEEK, THIS MONTH.
I'M CURRENTLY ON
BLOG HIATUS.
NOTE THAT. BLOG, HIATUS.
I'M OFFICIALLY GIVING UP MY LAPTOP TO MY DEAR SISTER WHO IN TIME NEED THIS MORE THAN ME, AT THIS POINT IN TIME, TILL AFTER MY LAST PAPER.
I WON'T BE ANSWERING PHONE CALLS NOR REPLYING TO YOUR DEAR TEXT MESSAGES TOO TILL MY FINAL PAPER.
GET IT.
I'M GOING TO STICK TO REVISINGG AS MUCH AS I CAN.
I DON'T WANT TO BE A BABY WHO CRIES OVER SPILT MILK LATER.

Ohm and if you're wondering why I was absent on Friday, I was sick. Not that I was taking a day off earlier.
Kayy,'ll miss all you blov-vers.
Do leave me tags ohh.
Love love love love love you blov-vers.
<3,
Fina.

Okay, lets keep this post short and brief cause apparently, I have over-exceeded the time set for, from myself to start on science revisions.
Erm erm erm.

Today's net(science definition in overall? goo people, read your textbooks) fine.
Nothing significant to actually talk, rant about, except for the fact that Sheela's been ranting on Mr Shah, mm, like almost the entire of school period? Hah, Sheela and her Mr Shah. Right, mtb.

Oh, and wonderful thing is, its my first time a 8 year old school boy with his trolley bag, calling me, erm an Auntie. Kay, laughh out. Even, thinking of it makes me want to pee. Hee.
Long story. I'll elaborate on my latter post. Which is probably tomorrow.

For now, I need to log off and start on task. 10 minutes exceed already.
OH OH OHH. (MR OH, LOL!)

By the way schoolmates, 10 days to Finals.
Work hard, ace your grades.
<3 Fina.

Now:
I might just have to crush my heart like you've been doing now. Only that its me who did it.
I just have to squeezed you out of my mind, feigning nothing happened, before, currently, or perhaps the future.
I will need you more than I ever do.
Need you to leave.
Leave out.
From here.
It hurts, yet you were the one that wasn't in the know. Not at all.

And let me tell you this.
I will carry on this hope till the verge of. This. Week.

I don't get it. I just don't.
How does man's ego worth so much that you have to keep you pride in mind?
Well its been a week already.
Still no news.
OH, I hate the despair part of me. Always the endless sighs.

I just missed you la.
Why do you have to be so perfectly nice to me and makes me change the order of my love but then leave me hanging alone in the lurch like this?
I barely knew anything about you know. Not anymore.
God, why does all good things have to be temporarily brief? Why does it always be me who experienced a recurrent short-lived happiness? Why does everytime I felt that I'm ready for the new light ahead, you just have to blow the candles off and leave me in deep darkness-again-?
Why must all the minus things be dumped to an already-dumb-14-year-old-me?
Why can't just for once I stay in an eternity happiness without You to take it away from me?

No answers, no responses, no replies.
Just like what he did to me.

Sad huh?
The storyline of my life?

Utmostly.

Its already the September 11th.
13 more days to Finals.
What.

OKay.
Today's revision was brief.
I didn't really have the energy to do intensive studies today.
I'm really caught up in this house for all-God-knows, a week?
And yes, thats terrible for a grown-up-14-year-old teenager. I mean, imagine the rest having their term breaks for all they care, while me, in my house, in my room, on my chair, doing what? Studying.
Oh, what boree me most is thatt (fill in the blanks).

Ohhh, hurry up to Monday.
I prefer going to school than staying, stucked at home, doing my endless boring revisions):
And I miss the class. Alot alot.
<3

Reporting @ 2:43AM.

Blov-vers. I'm still awake. Ever since just now.
I'm still trying to finish up with Historyy. Besides, I can't sleep early.

I've been keeping PVP in thoughts a lot of times now. I feel really uselessly guilty):
Okay, enough of those sad smileys.
It does feel hurting when things get a little out of control?

P.S. Do you know that my legs shaked, my heart sinks till to my stomache, and my breath stop functioning for a second for that first time I confronted you?
Do you know that you're just that 5points away?
Do you know that you actually true enough have replaced OOMA away, now?
Do you know that this is the first time I feltt that I could do good for someone and never going to regret it?
Do you know that all those spendfools night were for you, for me to keep my(oh no, our) promise?
Do you know that I actually let you be in my prayers?
Do you know that my I will actually shed a tearful drop at after every dreams of you?
Do you know that I spent hours, days, nights, weeks, thinking how, why to everything that occured?
Do you know how muchh I tried to put you off my mind, but truth is, I can't?
Do you knowwwwwwwwwwwwwww?

Apparent answer is, no you will never ever know):

Kay, daa blov-vers.
Continue with the unduely revision, at 2:54AM, reporting out.
<3

Mum and Dad're working afternoon shift, again today.
Okay, the woke-up-at-6-to-do-early-revision, didn't work on me today.
Reason: Slept instead.

Honest, the day before, which is yesterday, duh, I lacked of sleep.
So, my body, do do do do and do, deserves some rest.
Woke up, realizing its afternoon going soon(eh, which means I finally get my 8hours of sleep retrieved back, eh eh eh).
Washed up, showered and start replace the hours with History.
Sigh, I have a lot to cover today. Slapslap.

IMISSMISSYOU.

Count on how many times I said those.
Daa, blov-vers<3

Morning blov-vers.
Reporting @ 5:25am.
I'm preparing for my all-morning revision. Guess what?
It actually works on me good.
Yesterday, surprisingly, I spent 6hours straight from 6am till 12pm, studying my math.
A great achievement. Hah, yea, indeed.
Yesterday for some's concern, the whole of 24-hour, I only took 2hour out of that 24hour yesterday of my sleep. Greatt. Sleep sacrificed, declared, success.

I'm trying out again today. Hope the resistance still works. Ohm Ohm.
Kay, daa blov-vers.
Sleep tight.
Don't kick off your covers(:

P.S. Misses, Peter Van Pels, still):
P.S.S. Goodbye sadness. And I don't need reasons to stay, be happy.

Morning, blov-vers!
I've been awake since 6am earlier just now, heh. To start my early revision, of course.
Its been 2hours already.Still have a load more to do. Mum's planning for a family day out tomorrow, so I figured I should start early and end late today. For the revisions, I mean.
Sigh.
16 more days to Finals.
I'm so so so worried. Especially for my language paper. Mainly, English.
I've performed so badly, I got a C for it. How hard is it to ace English, you ask? Oh, well, see for yourself. The minus thing is that, there's no oral component to help me in my marks. And for the overall percentage, English is the one and only subject I need to score well for to get into the triple science course study. Boo, and English, in this case, I suck.
Perfect, cause I have no idea how to improve on my English in what, 16days?!!

Miracles. You're talking to me about miracles? Hardly happen. Especially to me):
Well, all that I have got to do is to do my daily prayers, believe in what God have set aside a future for me, and more importantly, to give the utmost best that I could, and that includes, cutting hours with my lappy, of blogging, plurking, IM-ing, text-messaging, slacking and sleeping.


**!!WARNING TO MY WORRIED-SELF:
- From now on, don't get back to sleep after your morning prayers.
- Don't grab your pillow and get under your cover before 12:30, at least.
- Get at least 3hours, minimum hour of your revision time.
- Refrain from using the laptop, exceedingly too much.


Kay, that'll be all.
Signing off from you to continue with my loading new revision sheets piling up.
Daa, blov-vers<3

Sometimes, when things get a little too out of hand, you know you just got to give in.
And also, at times like this, how I really really wish mum's plan to leave would come true.
Right. When problem arise at your own withins, running away is a huge temptation. That goes to me.

I woke up a little late today. Probably an hour before afternoon.
I spent the whole night(morning, in fact), fretting over matters that happened to me recently.
I ignored text messages, IMs, and calls. I dug my head onto the pillow and wet it with a pool of my tears. I'm through, disappointed with myself. With everything thats going on.
And the plus thing is that, Its great to know that I have wonderful friends that keep me standing on my two feet.
I don't know, I started to feel I'm missing everyone.
I miss my late-granna.
I miss my brother.
I miss Tante Yaya.
I miss Haz.
I miss Hafizah.
And, I miss you.

Left with the tears I only have noww, I just wantt these people. I really miss them.
I really really hate the period I'm living in right now. The days thats always been so solitude and too silent, I felt alone.
I just wondered if people change, so much so, easily?

- A Gift of A Friend.

I love helping out in the kitchen. I love helping out when mum starts on a new recipe menu on her catering list. I love to give her ideas and she'd take in some. I love when she starts baking pies. I love my mum's kitchen. It's a heaven place in home.
Oh, I slept for 2hours just now. I'm planning to do night revision, so 2hours of afternoon nap,
do help, so as to prevent me from dozing off on the study desk at night later.

I'm really bored and have no one to talk to. Sheela's confirmed busy and I wouldn't dared to text her or anything. And besides, there's no one else that I could talk to besides her. Everyone else in the house is busy):
I've finally get rid of those fearful tears and just got back up. Nothing's ever going to change. Not my heart even. I love you. Cause its forever and always.

I wanted to share things with you.
I wanted to tell everything with you.
I wanted to give everything to you.
I wanted to.
I always do.

Sometimes the rollercoaster ride in life makes me a little bit too scared to even want to take a ride on it.
I knew it. You just got to be good to be true.
I know deep down enough that I'm never worth any continential space in your heart, in fact anyone heart. I'm not that one.
I have regrets no more. You are just inches away. Why do you have to make matter worst and went around and stab me hard? Why does the males always makes the females hurt?
The old me was right. No matter how perfect a guy turns out to be, they are, and is, all the same.
I'm always wrong. Always and always. And I hate that one weakness of mine.
I, clearlyl, knew this: I SUCK SUCK SUCK. AT EVERY MOMENT OF PEOPLE'S LIFE.

But I just have to grow. And thats cuss, inevitable):

I'm sorry I didn't manage to post an entry last night.
I already set up the page, however, I turn out to went searching for my pillows, went inside my covers, turn the fan at maximum and slept, that I totally forgot to offline and shut down my lappy(which I always do, anyway).

Yesterday. The excitement(s). Were the least I've expected on Thursday night. Honest.
I was expecting yesterday's Friday, to be those kind of terrorizing, intense Friday I swear, I don't want to wake up. But with what that've happened on Friday, I'm really feeling on cloud's nine.
However though, they is/are key factor(s) , that still doesn't mark any of my special best days.
- My disappointing results. That is. 5 freaking stupid As. 1 B from DnT(???). And 3 screwed up Cs. Oh no, major correction. Super doubly disappointing results. Those Cs are the sores ones. Duhhh. No. Fina must and must work. Uhmm.
- I miss you-know-you. Ughh, can't even bother to explainn la. Its heart-quaking. Enough of thoughts, sorrows, and hopeless hopes and wishes.

Our Choir last rehearsal, was the major thing that brought awed to me. Seriously.
It turns out, a complete upside down.
Ms Grace, come in, initially making us all look petrified with her cynical typical stare. Afterwards, she start going all bubbly and really end our last Choir last rehearsal for the term, perfectly fine. Gosh, I can't believe thatt I actually did perform what I have in mindd when its my turn. Humiliating, that is. Ugh.
That's yesterday story.

Met with Sheela at Admiralty at 7 and head to school, before we found out that the school guard had not opened the school gate yet. Waited for like 2minutes outside the school gate, waiting for the others to come.
We ended up waiting for the teachers instead. OH, TEACHERS.
Took a hired bus to St Andrew's. Yes, the few of us, for the entire bus. Hah.
God, I suck- totally -at reciting poem. Whatt-tt, dumb people like me can't even recite a simple poem. I SUCK SUCK SUCK. YES FINA, YOU SUCK. ):
Mdm Su always tells me that I'm always too fast than ShiCheng. Ohm, and I still didn't improve):
Fina's a big big big disappointment.
So on with the time in St Andrew and the Literature Festival ended circa 1pm. HOH, now I am certain to take Lit next year. But with my degrading disappointed dump/b results, a real fat fat fat hope):

Head to the Library with Sheela and Farhan and left to buy take-away food from KFC.

And that ended my day-out.
I slept in the moment I finish bathing and woke up to lay out for break fast.
Oh. A dayy.

Well, rush rush out now.
I'm planning to do a little revision of Geog & Sci.
<3

I came to finally look forward to this Thursday.
Typical morning duties and stresses.
Physic.Ed's next. Great job for Egypt for winning and my team for doing magnificently well today.
Then Art was next. Goshh, I was really rushing to finish, just my 2nd tonal bar, which is far as pathetic cause the rest are almost finishing their 3rd tonal bar. Fina, you're just the slow one. Admit it. And yes, I admit. I'm slow. Very slow.
After recess, it was MATH and new topics I figured need to absorb.
What's with Science having 13 major big chapters to coverr, aigg. I'm going beyond insanity. OH, I swear.

We had History make-up lessons before the final one after school term reopens. Followed by
a drama rehearsal for Saturday's. I'm only enrolled for the poetry reading section only. 4 stanzas to memorise ehhh. However, I need to do it right cause it'll be up to my performance for the closure and the "the end". I guess I should say I'd been doing pretty fine. Except with the memorisation.

OKay. GTG.
I have tons of things to do tonight.
Urgh. Life's being miserably messy for me now. Veryy.

A really lovely lovely book. I know, even though I haven't even start the first page. Yes, I swear. Its going to be a real rockin' book and film(is there?) to catch.

I loathe this word: tired.
But honestly, who won't. Imagine you yourself being in a place with 1001 things to do in a period of 10hours?? Okay, maybe some of you could take that kind of load, but so not this me.
Everyday I'm packed with such a hectic working schedules and I just have to juggle along with my studies, revisions, homeworks, et cetera. Sometimes I get too frustrating, I felt like taking off my flight away from this planet. However, I know, in order to success in the things I wanted to be in the next, what, 10 years, I have to really really endure whatever exhaustion that had came by me. Yes.

OKay, lets start with real updates.
Morning was usual typical daily ones. Only I didn't get to see him the whole day. Its okay, I gotta learn to.
Then, we had a lengthy talk during assembly that took my entertainment off, I could almost doze off.
Afterwards, DNT was the first lesson for the day. And big hooray cause I've finally completed with the body of my solar car(which is real slow of me, despite everyone finishing earlier than me, duh, I missed 2 DNT lessons of 4 periods each, which takes up, 4hours?). Only that I've got some real testing to do. I guess I had to re-do the placement of the solar panel all over again, cause its obviously not running the way it is positioned now. I just got ShiHui to thank all along.
Okay, The End for DNT.
Recess duties was mundanely the same. I felt completely lethargic that I swear I can even sleep while doing my duties.
Afterwards, lessons went on like the usuals.
Went home with Sheela after choir.

GOO, I'm so freaking tired right now.
Kay, till soon. Daa blov-vers. MELOVEYOU<*:

I'm sorry, I didn't update yesterday. I'm hastily too tired to.

Well here you go.
Yesterday was well, lovely. Erm, yes.
We had a little an-hour duties in the morning, where I ended up changing because where in the world would a 13yearolds and above'd play hopscotch. Then, we had a full run-through rehearsal before the real concert began at 11:40.

Gosh, I practically freaked out when my hair is still undone, and my hair straightener is still unplugged. Well, ended up using Kelly's. I love my hair when its a curl-in. Don't really like robot-straight one. They look, typical-istic.
I was all the time wanting a drink to quench my, how forever, thirst. This year, we had a pretty wonderful concept came up from our dearest most Mdm Rehana.
Overall, I guess we did great I think. Only that I totally loathe my bangs. Too longs to even look like a proper one.
Initially, I had no intention to go back to Woodgrove since its already near 2 and I highly doubt the school'll be opening by then. However, Sharleen invited me to just come along, and so yea.

It was heavily pouring in time we reached there. I texted the girls, but out of 3, only Hanis replied me.
I waited for her for almost half an hour, I felt like going back. Her 5 minutes felt forever. Whats more, I had to wait for her in the rain. OKay, no complains. Shuts.
Hanis, from where my perception take me, seem a whole different person. She cut layered short and oh how I really miss her long hair.
Frankly, I miss the old Hanis. The sweet innocent lovely one. I really really do. We spent time around the school treasuring for teachers, however to no avail. Ms Hayati was not in school again this year. For Teachers Day, I mean. Last year was because she had an oversea course and can only be back my October 2008. This year, I was told she was on medical leave. How sad is that.

Saw Vengadesh, YongXing, Natalie, Jeffrey, Jack, Kenneth. Different, no, I guess. Haha, its totally wonderful to meet your old classmates. I really really missed them. Its been almost 2 years straight now.
Venga said I changed, in what way I don't know. But I said, the quiet Syarafina broke through her shell already. And thats probably why. I still remembered, Venga's the first guy who gave me a birthday present. Hah, a handbag in fact. Whoa, I really love those days when me, Venga, Joey, Hafizah and Hongbin, were sitting together and really were talking beautiful craps together. I miss it. Very so much.

Me and Hanis didn't really get to meet all our previous subject teachers cause its already past dismissal time.
And, Ohmgod. I can't believe I saw him. Again.
I still purely hear and feel my heart thuding still, at a metre reach away from him. And for whom you'd asked, Afiq. OKay, lets just be clean. I'm going to tell you everything. After, finally.
I had a huge crush on Afiq ever since P4. Yes, when I'm still 10 years old, with that dorky hairstyle and long skirt. Yes, my first crush (actually).
Fortunately, we were classmates in P5, and follow up P6. As an idiot you think I am, I never talked to him even though we're classmates for two full years. Big Idiot, I know.
Neither did I revealed to any of my best friends about my crush on him cause I know 2 of them liked him and I just got to back out(duh-uh. Who would want a dorky person like me back then?).
I finally told Alyssa via texts, mails and letters that I actually have a crush on Afiq. We contacted each other for quite a long time and all of which, mentioned: him. Unfortunately, we lost contacts ever since Freshman year starts and haven't been talking about him.
Kay, end of a once-to-be-major-crush-of-a-dorky-being story.

Hanis saw all those guyfriends of her, Khairul, Juaini, Ishak and all, in which, since before, I'm never comfortable with. Really. Those guys are those I'm never ever intend to be close with, with exception from Afiq. But still, being with her the only one I can walk around with, I need to follow them, along. I keep telling myself: Fina, stop heartbeating. He's a so 5 years ago crush. Remember, you're so over him already ever since school closes, ever since the last time you saw him walked away? Yes, Fina, you're SO over him. And, with that, stop heart-beating.

When we finally got off their backs, I finally got a breathe to confess to Hanis, after 2 pathetic years keeping from her(Hazirah was the 2nd to know). She didn't freaked out cause its an expectant broke-out.
I took one round with her and finally got back home.
Bathed and get myself a 2hour nap.
A day indeed.

Lovely, now I gotta do my assignments.
Gosh. Daa blov-vers. You know, duhh, I love you.