9 months - almost. I counted. April 12th, last year. The only bits of moment I like. 6 month after that very day, I've been trying to throw that little macro memories you bring. That's what you get when you let your ego wins.
Love's not enough when you say it. Don't you know you gotta mean it?

So. Dry throat. The consequences for eating(no, greedy-ing) a jarful of plain baked brown cookies all at one time. Deserve that Fina.
*Grumps*. Already soon to getting to the end of the weekend(though, of course I've not been enjoying any least bit of it). Totally means goodbye to my one and only rest day(s). Auh.

Tomorrow's our Chem deferred test.
Tomorrow, school ends with F&N.
Tomorrow's F&N's cooking practical lesson.
Tomorrow's Monday.
Tomorrow's a school day.
OR
Tomorrow:- Is it just another day?

Look. I am tired and I have zero mood to entertain you whatsoever, okay?
So if you're here trying to lecture me how I should lead my life as your sister, then I'm telling, you. Shut YOUR MOUTH Up. I had enough - really sore enough - of your trashy attitude - towards me, towards mum, towards dad towards, towards everyone. In fact, I pity the old innocent you I used to know. Now. You better wear off that attitude or I swear you'll be regretting it for the rest of your life.

You know I have been going through such a long hours on working mode for almost every-day of my life now, in fact for the past month, for the past weeks, for the past days, for the past seconds. I barely had time for my own. And if you, an all-the-mighty 12 year old, trying to knock some sense in me in trying to control my outrage to you, HELLO, YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR ATTITUDE OF YOURS. Cause if you're going to slip in your grades, you might have to go through a real heavy life, like mine.
And, if it wasn't for your own good, this good sister of yours wouldn't care okay.

Plus. Don't think I've not warned you. More than once, in fact.






CAN ANYONE GET ME A DRINK OF ICE?

Today, give a stranger one of your smiles. It might be the only sunshine he sees all day.
~Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Times, yes now I can reassure my understandings, really DID great wonders. I'm starting to love more and more how our class grew to become of what that is totally out of my expectations.
Blov-vers, do you remember reading entries when I totally totally went almost close to ending my life in getting to know that I'd be in this class?
Not anymore. Yes, surprise to hear this much cause yes. NOT. ANYMORE. I've started to learn how to adapt to this new "warm" environment. Some of which are not as obvious as showing but, it's what that's inside that really matters.

As a pure example from today's.
The other half of the class went to HCA Hospice Centre(the other half went last week) today. It was a great time sparred indeed. No regret, yes, no.
The senior I was attached to, Lim Po Chua(whom she herself believed it's extracted from the word pearl in Hokkien) was a Hokkien-dialect speaker. So, I have basically no idea how to communicate with her. So Patrick was kinda my "middleman", translating. However, my basic learnings of Chinese could help still help us go through with the talking process.
So I would say, it wasn't that bad. Ms/Mdm Pearl was really a very interactive one. Okay, no, every one of those residents there, I must say. Glad to be with her for the past of what? 2 hours?
In midst of all the talking, interacting and stuffs, the committee, mainly namely, Adriana and Valerie, had planned a few mini activities/games(i.e. community singing and some machine charade). One of which, I need to do a forfeit(reference: Hafiz's and Emily's blog). My forfeit: godz, el muy sucx la. I totally went off-pitch and I forgot 3/4 of the lyrics(idiot or what, Fina) and blew every section of it. Haaa.
AND AND AND, listening to Patrick playing the pee-ann-noo really makes me feel a little bit emotional(lol). Hhaha, I would just say I love it muchhh. Patrick, you deserve a "standing ovation".

And so everything just went like that for 2 hours but it felt like we're only there for 20minutes.
The debrief sessrion was what that was, I'd said, tear-jerking. And all to my special thanks for Patrick, I'd got to say my piece to RunFa:D

So that was all, the happy-warmy feeling I felt, about. I look forward to do more things with you guys in the future. Seeing as how much you guys were such a lovely chums. ♥

P.S. Oh yea, and GOOD LUCK TO THOSE FEW OF US WHO HAVE YET TO TAKE CHEM TEST. Do all you can:D
P.S.S. Today was a fairytale that teaches me avoidance IS the worst enemy of all-the-most anything.

Bliss was at my side today, yay

I love today. Really love today.
Except for just a minute of the day today. Other than that I was practically being ambush my bliss all revolving around me. Yay, I really am happy.
Whoa. It feels pretty inferior to be this happy. After all that has happened for the past months.
I am glad.
A test and a quiz coming up tomorrow. One of either which I won't be taking. BUT STILL. Can't afford to procrastinateeeeeyy.
Class was wonderful, yes. Reeeeeeeeeeeaally.
Choir was stomache-breaking:D
And everything puts off just very so fine.
And, I'm happy.

Okey, dokey. Time to hit the books. I've got lots lots lots to cover despite being sleepy. I cannot CANNOT fall asleep at an early time today okay, Fina? You stupid girl. Can't even control your sleeping periods. OUHGKAAYE.
I love you, my FFL(friends.for.life). WHOEVER THAT READS THIS BLOG WILL JUST BE MY ffl.
Hugs<3
Owhhhhh, I'M JUST TOO HAPPPYY.
Tears, cries, smileless. All, dug YOUR HEAD IN THE BIN.
Goodbye, blov-vers.

I had a good - really good - afternoon nap just now. And now I'm kinda feeling hungover. I sat silently on my bed, in my just-woken-up state, thinking what I am to do next.
Homework, I asked, is so so so a totally MUST-DO factor. But I'm still in a state of adapting to self-consciousness that I have actually woke up *slaps slaps*. Mygod. I know I can be such a bum. But blame not on me cause today was pretty a day, I shall put. A lot of changing and bending of classes. That was why.
I made a big boo-boo in F&N today, another reason to add on.
Nowadays, it feels like you have to literally drag me out of my bed to get me to school. It feels really tiring to be in school now. I guess my long-period mood has return back in me. Ah, I have to stay strong. Both feet standing on the ground without any hesitant to collapse.
Yes. Fina, stay focus. This year is crucial. Remember those them promises you to make to yourself and some many other important people of your loves. Yes, if you can't uphold the promise any longer, just think of them. (And that just reminds me of something). Stop procrastinating. Really, just stop. Orelse. The consequences are beyond what you will have to cover later.

You know I am trying. Please just understand for the time being that I need just a little more time to adapt to, everything. Cause revolving from a world of happiness to another world teem of messiness, I got to get my weapons ready. Early. Yet, I'm still struggling at stage one of the game.

SOMEBODY. JUST. HELP. ME.

This is totally(times as many as you think this suits the context), brain-breaking.
I might either be found dead after today or either found paralyzed on my sickbed. I've just got a whole lot load list of things to cover for today before tomorrow and it's not just any minor ouncy little things we're talking about here. IT'S LIKE A TALL PILE OF TREE PAPER ON MY DESK JUST WAITING TO GET ATTACKED.
My mum seriously wanted me dead, either that or she thinks I'm not a being with energy(and patience) limitations.
I am not, certainly not trying to brag and be such a complaint spoilt daughter, but she should have listed out all that is reasonable for me to handle. Not having me to go for tons and tons of endless tuition lessons, near to everyday - no every second - of my life.
It's like I can no longer have the rights and say to my own life. Everyday, I will have doom to have something to do. Whether it's Kumon, tuitions, RC, choir, council, THERE'S ALWAYS THIS ONE bbbbb DANG thing SHE CLAIM ALL GROWN-UP LADY SHOULD DO =
H O U S E C H O R E.
Yes, I'd put it as a chore. Cause no way is it as a work for me anymore. I really can't be doing all this on top of being her exemplary daughter, her exemplary student, her exemplary sister, and, her exemplary asset. If she thinks all of which, perfection, may as easy as achieved, then I guess she might have just had me kill cause no way in my, oh no, ANYONE'S LIFE CAN I EVER BE HER PERFECT WANTS(yes, wants).

I don't know what's wrong with my stupid mood today during Choir.
Totally, trashy. I feel killing myself for being so trashy. The weather was bad enough to rub into the trashy mood. I was trying to entertain my one self, but I just have this edgy feeling of frustration at something. No. I am totally not pissed at anyone. Perhaps the long day. I don't know. Search me, and I'm still at my best trashy mood.
I swallowed the bowl of crushed ice, just in return to cool myself down. Yet I (still) feel miserable.

I swear, sayings were never were right.
Ignorance is never were bliss. NOT. AT. ALL. Okay.

This is the problem with having a poor eyesight, yet still stubborn to not to wear glasses.
To anyone whom have waved at me today, please just inform me will you. I seek your pardon cause honestly, I. CAN. NOT. SEE. Shortsighted. Terribleeeeee. Mygod.

Okay, so it's already the 19th day of 2010.
I just want to end this year, fast. Next year too. And finally, graduate.
I think I'll lead a much much much more less-worrying life. As far as I'm hoping.

Have a nice evening, dearest blov-vers.
Hearts.

God, it's to my greatest relief that I didn't go. Like. o.m.g.
It will be soooooooooooooooooooooeyy awkward.

Okay. I'm hungry. Desperate call for major emergency help.
I only had a meal today. And I need to wait till noon before having my proper lunch. Err.

So basically, nothing much of a ride today. Everything went ... fine, I guess. For the record, I love Chemistry lesson. Ask me why. Hah, well you don't have to have reasons to love something. Heh heh. Lord. I should have stayed with Sheela. But I insist on going home first. Selena's still sick. That was why.

Ah, I'm bumped D:

"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world."
(R): I LOVE YOU ZENA.

P.S. Verona's Juliet replied me, yay! After 3 months.

SHEELA, SELENA, RAUDHAH,
GET. WELL. SOON.

SHICHENG,
TAKE. CARE. OF. YOURSELF.
Thank you. Though I kinda angry at you for mentioning that. But nothing beats the support of a friend, yet one like you.

I'm just hoping for world peace.
I'm just hoping that eternal love really exists.
I'm just hoping that I. Will. Never. Grow. Up. - just like Peter Pan.

I miss you, today, if not everyday.
P.S. How can I possibly forget the fact that you ever existed in my world when at times in a day, I'm revolving around you? Tell me. It's tough. Really. It. Is.

Remind me again why I opt F&N for my electives. Oh, right. To be a good housewife.
MY. GOD. I know. The workload is far more than what I assume it was. The intensive research here and there, and fyi, Mdm Aishah ain't going to be that lenient, as from my view.
I just hope my paring with Aida, a lady, would benefit me in a way. Ohm.

So obviously, I got to handle the scoldings. Helloooo. My body speaks. I. AM. TIRED. okay.
You wouldn't expect me to go for another class after an entire week of heavy schedule and a Saturday stolen by consecutive tuition lessons. Just to let you know, I can be tired also. Even robots need a day break. Much less a human - much less me. 6 hours straight, sitting, listening, and absorbing at the same time. It's the same as asking me to go to school for 6days instead of the usual 5days a week.
I am not complaining. I totally am not. Neither am I wanting to compromise on my promise. But your dealings with the matter have ought to be reasonable my self approval don't you?
Why can't you for once put that trust on me? Why is it that you see me as unable to held that kind of huge responsibility as being the eldest? Why must you always have to be so judgmental?

I know I'm being such a tattle tale.
But. I. Am. Just. A. 15. Year. Old. Girl.

I HATE MY LIFE, I HATEEEEEEEEEE EVERYTHING. IT'S LIKE DAYS AND DAYS ARE PASSING BY, AND I FEEL LIKE A TOTAL HELPLESS PERSON TRYING TO LIVE OFF HER YOUTH YEARS WITH DANG POSITIVITY.
I AM PISS.
PISS AT ANYONE BUT MYSELF. WHY AM I SUCH AN IDIOT? I DON'T ASK TO HAVE A SAD LIFE, I NEVER WANT TO. BUT CIRCUMSTANCES AROUND ME FORCED ME TO.
I DON'T HAVE THE GUTS TO TELL YOU THIS IDIOT PROBLEM OF MINE CAUSE YOU HAVE BEEN REALLY SO HAPPY, AND I DON'T WISH TO RUIN IT JUST LIKE THAT.
I HATEE HOW MY IDIOT SELF STILL CAN'T OVER THIS SAD FEELING.
WHATEVER THAT HAPPENED TODAY, SEEM TO OCCUR ALMOST EVERY OTHER DAY I'VE LIVED, EXCEPT IT'S A LITTLE MORE HURTING.
AND DON'T TELL ME ANYTHING OR EVEN SOMETHING ABOUT LOVE, IF YOU SIMPLY USED IT OUT OF OBLIGATION AND NOT DANG DANG DANG AFFECTION.

I. AM. JUST. TOO. PISS.
FINA. SHUT. UP.

Why am I just so stupid? )':

Lordddddd. There's a check-in e-math test tomorrow, choir(and I've yet to memorize section C of thr Hokkien song), preparation for intensive F&N lesson on Thursday, after school, still need to rush to Popular to buy this, to buy that, go home, CONFIRM homework-ing, then, still need to do things for Selena. GODZZZZZZZZZZZZZZXCCCYYYYYY.
Yea, Raudhah, a busy life it is.
I just hope I won't fall sick.

I really hated the way I've been. I hated the way, me myself can't interpret the way I'm feeling. I don't want to have you as the focal. The way, as far as I know, things are, IT'S ALREADY OVER(or have it not?). Any factor but you. Highly not. To make things grew even more complicated, my emotions got reacted over the situation I'm in, when fairy godmother helped cinderella. It was meant to be a heroic one. A scene to make bliss out of any worries. But it turns out the opposite. Why, my.
I just hope that I'll emote better.



I have yet an intensive reading up to do.
Till then.
Night, blov-vers. LOVEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD, I'M TIRED. REALLY REALLY REALLY EXHAUSTED.

My eyes couldn't help closing during lessons today. I figured the only lesson I was giving my 100% full attention was A maths. Other than that, all the other lessons, it's either I was listening the first part of the lesson, and was practically dozing off the other half or I would just try to listen to whomever were talking but with a droopy eyes trying to stay awake. I don't know, what keep me so so so tired and sleepy.

So yesterday's was a one heavy long day for me and the SLs. Too much for standing under the sun for the past 3days, my skin tone started to vary already. Highlight: IT'S ONLY 2 DAYS. God, imagine, OBS. 5 days, of heavy workouts and stuff.
So as usual, I was game-mastering one of the Amazing Race stations and my throat went too dry a little after 2-3 teams. So and so.
After everything, I still had to rush for choir for the Secondary Ones orientation performance. Changed and all and immediately got ready to be on stage. We totally blow off the nice performance at the last section of our 2nd song.
After that, we went to promote our booth and stuff. I did some talking, poaching job as well.
Council duties were straight afterwards. I was dang too tired by then.
Had our mass dinner with the rest of the other SLs and then went up to my duty place. Was deployed in registration. Funny how every 5-6 families, we had to re-stock our drinking bottles. All the other times, me and Sacha were crapping out of anything we could comment(Sacha, and her "ooh, I love the night light", "ooh, the bottles are not equally filled"), and all such stuffs like that to entertain our poor self.
Everything ended circa 8 plus, but were dragged in lieu of searching Missing Maria. Once Maria was found, we headed to Admiralty, with some, intention to have a late dinner at McD. Ruijie can't stop buzzing me about "it". We said our goodbyes and exchange, hugs(Shui Yuan, can't stop bragging when we exchange hugs, to ZhongHao, lol). I swear I love this humen, till I die. Such lovely people that made a wonderful ending to my tiring day. They deserve more than just an eternal affection. Lol. Me, Sheela and Emily headed off first.
Reached home. However, I still have NOT officially ended my day yet. I offered to help Maria&Isabel to print some documents, resulting to me sleeping at 12:30, to print everything.
So I only had my head rest comfortably by 1am last night. How wonderful. And mum had to wake me up at 5 to help her out.
So that just how explains my tiredness in class earlier just now.

Okey dokey, blov-vers. I'm going to finish my packing, do some revision of todays' and get to sleep at 10. It's what Mdm Aishah advices us, 15 year olds to do to have a better day tomorrow.
Sometimes, YOU JUST HAVE TO LISTEN TO THESE KIND OF LITTLE LITTLE REMARKS. You may never know it works.

The day was unexplainably exhausting.
A bunch of secondary ones. They can totally make me die young, I swearrrrrrrrrrr. I had myself down under the sun for the entire 3 hours or so for the Amazing Race thingy. Imagine, wearing a uniform with a tie tied around your neck, not eating since morning, nor drink, shouting here, shouting there, I can seriously faint.

Lol, at Nicholas for his "are you okay fina?" gesture. Hhah, what was that for?

So practically after 12, I was already vey vey vey(Sacha's short form) tired and just let off the secondary one by asking them just the question I needed to ask them and nothing much of extreme as before.

I WAS DANG DARN PISSED WITH THE SEC 2, when I was doing the PE admin before recess. Making things hard for me and Alicia? Yea, very so so much.
HEHE, I gave a very useful lecture to one of the secondary one team for loosing their station slips. Feel so, useful? For once. Hhah. True right yes.

After everything we still had to wait for secondary one orientation rehearsal run-through for tomorrow's. I really had to convey my greatest biggest apology cause I totally went off-pitch singing the piece just now. Sorry, Sheela, sorry choir. Sorry sorry sorry. It wasn't intentional. Honest. I had a bad bad bad stomach cramps. Besides, I was really really, to the extreme, restless. I couldn't keep my focus.
So everything ended much much earlier than what we've expected.

Reached home. I had a good 15minutes bath(/e) before hitting the sheets then to get my 2hour power sleep(as how Nicholas said it. What. I still don't get it.). Once I started walking after waking up, the world's like practically spinning and my stomach starts gurgling.
A day. Yes. A day. Tomorrow's worst. Full day. Okay, maybe inappropriate to use "worst" in this case. But, ohwell.
Kay, I'm gonna do my choir revision(simplified version) and packing of things and stuff.

Night, blov-vers.
Loads and loads of love.
<3<3<3

I'm having a major migraine.
I think I'm falling sick. Soon.

Though I didn't particularly do anything much, my energy's practically used up. I'm really really really tired.
Skip the first-day-with-my-new-classmate topic.
After dismissal, we had choir meeting. Yay, got our new choir tee! I design. Hehe. Lol, what was that for.
Okay, so basically pretty much a brief sum up for the day.
God, my head feels like it's weighing over a kilogram already. Why.
God. I am so weak.

P.S. Selena, sorry a million trizlion times, I broke your mug. It wasn't intentional. I am sorry. I. Really. Am.
P.S.S. I got a cousin and a niece in the school. So I am, too, a Tante Fina. God, I can't imagine Siti calling me that. Felt so old. She's only 13???!!!












P.S.S. I sit. At the back. Of the classroom. Thinking. Dang. I miss 2e4. I cried. Right then. I feel. Hopeless. Alone. Friendless. Beyond feelings. I will. Get through it all. I hope.

Okay, okay, I know it took me ages to come up with a New Years' post. Anyway, it's been 2 days already. I guess I'm a little too late, no?
Ohwell, here's a quick one. Well, it's 1:09 in the morning. With Selena sleeping next to me, and all the mess(thrown pillows, books, magazine, practically everywhere, clothes,) all lying around the vicinity of my room, I can't possibly be having my good night sleep. Lord. Can't she sleep in her room alone??????!!!
*Wishes made @ 1:11am*. I love my peace-makers, owh, my one true lovers. Hehe.
Okay, okay. I AM SO DRAGGING THE POST.
Here.

Okay, basically, the typical first new year's entry's line:
2009 are just terribly wonderful, awesome and indeed unforgettable. 2009 is the best year I could nominate for the years I'm going to live in where I had practically went through all sort of extreme emotion. I think 2009 is the year I first cried in secondary school(lol. what. was. that. for. ?.). Hhah. 2009, teaches me the pure meaning of camaraderie with my wonderful, awesomest, loveliest, 2e4. In reference to Zena's blog, 2e4, err, TooUnique has teaches me the meaning to true friendship, and love.
Though it's pretty much still a shock for me that I can live up to see a 2010. Hhah, It feels new to see the tens digit to be more than 0. OKay, get that in your head even if you don't get it?
I love everyone that made my 2009 as what it is. I don't care whether or not, they made me cry, laugh, smile, mad, happy, sad. It's because of who they are that made who I am, a normal happy person right now.

Zena, Sheela, Maria, Sacha, Asyura, Atikah, Joelyn, ShiCheng, Dillon, Rebecca, Rasyidah, Runfa, Syafiq, ZhongHao, Raudhah, Alicia, mama, daddy, Selena, Tantes, whoever ever ever, Regina, errr, Abigail, all the 2e4 mates, Ms Shidah, Ms Low, Ms Joyce, ya yayayayayaya, errr, Ms Lim, whoever, ever ever, Choir, Liana, Uncle Jafaar, who greats me without fail in the morning, ya, ya, auntie cleaner,(what, I didn't ask her name) for always accompanying me in times I'm doing my first few dutys, and the ultimate most, THE COUNCILLORS, in no order whatsoever, you're the bunch of people who made my 2009 the most wonderfools one.

OKay, my brain eventually need a mighty mighty rest.
I need to sleep.
Tomorrow's the last day before school officially reopen.
I CAN'T CAN'T CAN'T WAITTTTTT. HAHAHAA, THE BLISS OF SEEING MY LOVERS, lol. Hha.
Have a good night<3