I kept my pace on the burning tracks. All the more, trying to keep at my lane. The heat is failing me. Slowly. Unconsciously. I knew I can never have got the 2nd, what's more the 1st place. Yet "trying my best" was the only those them few words that were repeating on my mind. I know 3rd was what we all agreed on, and it's no more than the obvious. 100 metres past. 200. 300... My vision grew blurrier as I paced through each run. And the next moment, all I know I was under the shelter. All kind of faces compassing within my limits of sight bombarding me with their "howareyous" questions.

God, how could I, for God's sake, faint??? On my first Sports Day, what was more. And that just blew our class chance of getting a bronze-at-least medal. Fina, seriously, how much idiot-er/stupider/weaker can you possibly get? Mygod. And I only have my stupid self to blame. Class, I'm truly sorry. To Liana, Alicia and Yuen Wvei especially.

God, I swear. Friday must have been a big drama for me, man.

Dear blov-vers,
My one and only avid blov-vers, I'm sorry for not updating much lately. As far as you are heavily concerned, I'm loaded with tons and tons of responsibilities each day(i.e. a daughter, sister, student, councillor, choir member) and I can't possibly be sticking my head into the computer screen each and everyday. Most likely only to check my mailbox and such so. Other than that, big updating like blogging and all, will be highly minimized. Thank you for being such a loyal reader still. I will always love you.
<. Always.

I heart today a lot a lot. One of the many days I don't want to forget if I ever got senile or lost my memory. Honestly. Thanks, Alphonsus, Amira. Today was a great great great moment I had with the 2 of you.
Okey, I shan't elaborate cause if I do start on the elaboration, you sure will need to get your eyes checked the next day cause the moment you finish reading my last string of words, you'd be blind enough. Hah.

Anddd, I, too, can't wait for Thursday. People-watching. Heh heh.
Okay, now I'm tired, bumped and practically going to break down any moment after all the completing of assignments.

Now. Goodnight blov-vers.
<3<3<3

Them those lovely people that once again made- totally -made my day;-

Afiq, Alphonsus, Amirah, Emily, Esther, Eugene, Liana, Sheela

Million hearts for you guys.
Really, there's nothing that can get you anyway more happier than getting a gift of friends.





Life is no doubt merciless and cruel. But with these people behind me, there's nothing for me to fear in overcoming this austerely ruthless journey. Yes, fight all long, Fina. Cause. I. Will.

if there's this one person that you'd love, who'd that person be?
and im asking you, A PERSON. God, doesn't count cause he's too great to even took our places as humen.

I can ask my mouth to stop talking, but I definitely cannot ask my heart to stop beating, can I? You get it, it's not that easy.

Rheotically, remembering/memorizing was easy. But sure forgetting was difficult. Well, you try.

Pardon, cause I'm blabbering. OKay, shut up and get to sleep.
<3

P.S. I'm sorry, I just can't take you. Stop running round the clock, thinking you're owned.
P.S.S. For God-knows how many times I've been re-watching A Cinderella Story.

Trust me. On the outside I might be cursing the freak poo out of you, but no freaking anyone knows how the heart inside got injured everytime I did.

Can my day got anymore worser?

P.S. You always said that everytime we met, nervousness would overwhelms you but that you promised to pluck up enough courage to approach and start the talk. But *sigh*, you never were. Remember, on 17th April last year when you had your first public speech, you told me how you shuddered and was practically shivering? Do you know how much I totally can't have my eyes stick to you when you said that speech? It was heart-wrenching. Remember how you always have to tease me about my smiles and I just have to shun that compliment and moved on to other topic? Remember that you used to say that you'll be waiting for me, everytime when I told you I'll be right back in one of our conversation? Remember, you used to also said that "Even if i have to wait to be with you, i will wait b'cos ur the most special person i ever met.. I've never felt this way before.." ? And you totally apologize for saying that? All of your little little things for me like the equation thingy: sya + sya = perfect eqution. How perfect of a person can you be back then? You know, I really love love love the moments last year. I just wish time wouldn't be so cruel - to have to steal all that away.

Fina you're a friendless, loner loser person.
No one likes you.
Why do you even bother crying for someone who don't even know she/he was cried for? Why are such a pig-brain person that people have to take you down like that? Why is your life so pathetic? Why are you always to blame for everything?



(11:11, I wish the world I'm in now was all just a dream.)





P.S. Even elephants and chimpanzees shed tears, why can't I, a human?

I CAN STAND NOT GETTING A VALENTINE, even for the rest of my life.
I CAN STAND PEOPLE SAY I'M AN IDIOT.
I CAN STAND PEOPLE SEE ME AS AN INVINCIBLE.
I CAN STAND MY BEST FRIEND IGNORING.
I CAN STAND MY FRIENDS HURTING ME.
I CAN STAND PEOPLE TAKING ME DOWN.
I CAN STAND PEOPLE SAYING I'M USELESS.
BUT, I CANNOT, ABSOLUTELY CANNOT STAND PEOPLE LIKE YOU, STEALING IDEAS ORIGINALLY FROM SOMEONE AND THEN PROUDLY, BLUNTLY ADMIT THAT THE IDEA WAS YOURS, ONLY MOTIVE WAS TO CAPTIVATE AND DIVERT ALL THE ATTENTION TO YOU, IN A VERY SO LOW WAY. I JUST CANNOT, I'M TELLING YOU, STAND YOU.

WILL IT KILL YOU TO BE A LITTLE BIT MORE SENSITIVE????
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS WANT THE SPOTLIGHT? I DON'T GIVE ANY WEENY CARE IF I DON'T GET THE LIMELIGHT. BUT YOU'RE STEALING OTHERS'. AND THAT'S SOOOOO SOOOO NOT OKAY WITH ME.
JUST STOP WANTING EVERYTHING WHEN, HONESTLY I'M TELLING YOU, YOU DON'T DESERVE IT, WILL YOU? CAUSE THAT'S SELFISH, YOU POOCH.

ARGH, SERIOUSLY. SO MUCH FOR BEING A FRIEND.

Blov-vers, will you too get worked up if someone monopolize your OWN IDEA and then proudly and BLUNTLY it's theirs? WILL YOU?








Fina, you have never been anyone's important priority. So why do you dang care. You idiot. My God, Fina. Just face the truth that your fate only ends here, like this.

*Sighs*.
This is so pathetic. *Sighs*. Even my sister, a 12 year old, *sighs* received her valentine. Ah, what am I bragging about? This was supposed to be something I don't bother, but (say your curses), I actually feel like a total loser(well, no. Actually to think of it, I'm already one). My god. Fina, please say your whatevers.

-2010's Valentine Day- ;
Thing(s) you should do:
Stay at home.*Sighs*. And sleep.

*Sighs*.
How wonderful.

Okay so today, everything feels so ... brief. Very so brief.
And, God am I even flying on the sky now cause I can't wait for my weekend cause it's time I should catch up on my sleep and and and, NO TUITION FOR THE WEEKEND. Yayee, so haaaaaaaaaaaah-pee.

Okey,
DAA BLOV-VERS<3.

God. I must have fainted 5 hours ago cause I totally can't remember how I went to sleep. !!!
Yes, it's 3 in the morning now.
People might have either gone to bed or already in bed. Which moron would have woken up at this dead hour? Syarafina yes it is.

;

Okay, so yesterday which was y e s t e r d a y, indeed, was long of a day(this time, I won't say it's a drag). But I have these few people to thank for;-

- Ariani
- Brian
- Chao Yi
- Emily
- Eugene
- Liana

Surprise huh? Haha, me too. But they were ones that totally made my day. T O T A L L Y. Hmm, let me see, BRIGHTENS MY DAY, even.

So.

I was totally totally totally pissed off with someone during MT period yesterday &: (Emily, sorryee, ignored you). So I skipped lunch break with only a cup of milo to fill my stomach. I had my "brought" meal during recess break, so kinda half-full you see.
It was Chemistry afterwards. Well it seems like I've started to build on my "passion" skills for Science now(well, it's not really something that comes from my heart cause this is a HAVE-TO thing). Especially Chemistry. Heh.
We were dismissed at 3 today. It ended pretty fast, though. After which, I still had to rush up to level 4 for the drafting of costume-making for tomorrow's. Results huh? Well, it didn't really go that smoothly, I must say, cause most of the things that were discussed ended up to be on-the-spot, last minute ideas. AND, WE'RE SEWING!!!!!!!!!!!!! AH, how much excited could you get me into eh????? hhahahahahahhahhahahh. VERRRRRYY.
So it was at that period of time my mood totally changed. Thanks to the lovely people mentioned.
At circa 5.30, Ariani, Liana and me head out to Causeway to get our materials for tomorrow's. I swear the place was teeming with heads and heads of students scattered like almost e v e r y w h e r e, for god-knows-what-they-are-doing and our bags are already a factor, enough to make our shoulders break into pieces, what's more with the pushing and squeezing. Went for a brief shopping spree.
Liana left first, then, had dinner at LJ with Ariani.
Exhanged goodbyes and head back home.

Pretty much a long day huh?
Well, not considering I still did something last night(5-6 hours ago).
SHAGGSS! I still have got something to worry for. Ohgee ohgee.
Daa, blov-vers
P.S. &&&&&&&&&&& I'VE OBTAIN 3A1s so far. Yay, Fina, YAY. (1). Malay *yawns* (2). Chemistry (3). A-MATH(mygodmygod, can you believe that?!!!! An A1 for a first Additional Mathematics Test).
P.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S. Please, don't remind me that V day even exist. Cause I've always had them terribly celebrated. Like I've got jinxed.
P.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.

I feel like a total trash.
My head is throbbing, pain. The Panadol doesn't work on me.
I'm going to die I'm going to die I'm going to die I'm going to die I'm going to die I'm going to die I'm going to die I'm going to die I'm going to die I'm going to die I'm going to die I'm going to die I'm going to die I'm going to die I'm going to die I'm going to die I'm going to die I'm going to die I'm going to die.

Dear God, don't let me. I still have my friends I need to love. I still have my first A maths to sit for. I still have to fulfill little dreams I've listed for. I still want to be a good daughter. I still want to graduate. I still want to say my first 3-word-8-letter-word to my OOMA. I still want to be a lawyer/WP(Ruijie understands this). AND I still have many people to love. Please don't don't don't let me die now.
God. I'm feeling lousy, useless, and trashy.
Maybe if you have to, let me loose my conscious only for a day. To have a mind break from everything.

Blov-vers, I love you<3
Sheela Zulaiha too<3







I miss the world. I missed it )':
Fina, just stop it. You can never have it. It's theirs and not yours. Don't dream, sleep.

Today, my mood feels a little bit too foul.
Went school, pissed and tired. Angry and unhappy. I fell. That cause major bad start for the day. It hurts when I trip onto something. Another thing, my aches are coming up. I think it's partly because of my soon-to-be moon period.
Skip recess and spent only on a cup of iced chocolate(milo sounds too Singapore-lang much? haha). Straight afterwards, it was Chemistry. Chemi "deferred" test, of course. Pretty manageable, I must comment(probably the only thing that enlightens me for the day).
School ended with F&N. No practical, again. Sighs. Postponed to Thursday. I might have to decide to do the dessert out of the 4 options.
Immediately after dismissal hour, I rushed down, do the usuals and then rushed out to meet mama to head to ICA headquarters for me and daddy's renewal of passport. The process was pretty fast. I was so happy that I thought we'll be heading home afterwards, cause, my, do I have a lot lot lot to cover for today(Physics, E-Math, English test coming up. So. Hear me, screams.), but BRATTY SELENA have to mention having lunch outside. So we ended up having our lunches at CitySquare AND(not only that), GO FOR WINDOW-SHOPPING afterwards, giving excuses to burn all the calories we've gain(yea right, mum). Not enough that I had my sored legs, my sored throat AND, my sored day. Plus, you just had to rub it in, don't you?

So, that was how the day has been for me. Too fine, ya think?
Hah, H A P P Y yea? NOT. I'm telling ya, SO SO SO NOT.
Okay, I better get going. There's this long list of must-dos things waiting for me on my billboard.

Have a wonderful evening, blov-vers.
Loads loads loads of love.

P.S. It IS DANG DANG DURN annoying when you start catching a flu. Especially when it's a running one.
P.P.S. I just hate it when teachers start having short memory. Like they can't remember your name, or that they forgot how to pronounce your name. Stuff like that. Hate it.
P.P.P.S. "I think I do've seen you before. You know you're sometimes just ... invincible. Kidding la." I forgot who said that. But it sure does hurt for the moment. But after that, hey, you're not anywhere wrong. But, dude, I've gotten more than used to it.
P.P.P.P.S. I miss you, D. A lot a lot. I didn't mean to ignore you. SERIOUSLY. It just happens that I CAN'T NOT IGNORE you at that every certain point of time. Besides, shouldn't it be you who have better eyesight than mine? FYI, JUST KNOW THAT, I STILL DO DO DO REGARD YOU AS a friend, a good best best friend, believe me. I really STILL DO. & I love you. As a you-know-what-already. A LOT. <3
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S.
NOW, I TRULY UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LIKE AND LOVE. YOU can like a lot of people, BUT YOU CAN ONLY LOVE ONE.