For one superficial "lovely" fact, in knowing, or realising, that I've never really been on someone's top priority list. Never be the first. As much as I try to picture it. Never. Kinda disheartening at times, like of course. No matter wherever. In school. Or back home. I am never fail to be someone's second option. This feeling of high insecurity was one of the main few reasons why I  retract trusts from some those to whom I dearly dearly love.
I told myself, time and again that if I just continue living in this life full of self-doubts, I can never succeed in moving on at anything. And I really mean, anything and everything in life. Take today for example. For the fact that, I still hide, and still fear of confrontation, I was never over it. I truly hate how it affects me, still, how it still makes me worry, still. I hate hate hate that one particular fact. I hate how he just make it seem as if I was the only who's been through it and he's never part of the drama in the first place. I hate how he always use his stupid ego as his stupid shield, when its apparent enough it's so transparent.
Yet still. Back to myself - self-doubt. If only I'd just thrash it and just goddamn move on, things would be far far far better. Honestly, dude, you started the wound. You're the first.
Sigh. As much as I want to curse and yell about all the goddamn things about you, truth is, the fault's on me. I shouldn't have expect. I really shouldn't have. Because you know what's wrong with falling for someone you're not right for? You fall for anyway, because you thought he might be any different.

Right. Enough. God. I've been blabbering about my stupid unsolved personal ever since, forever? OKay, time for updates :-D
So. EOY's over. Bet I'm the last one to announce. Ah well. Finally, I can put a goddamn rest to all those sleepless nights session with my books.
All our results will be returned next week though. MM, my confidence kinda wavered if you ask me how'd I think I'd done this time round. Cause truth is, I know I'm going to screw up 2 papers :3
Just pray that I'd sustain my results.
Today's graduation day... God. Hate it? Nahh, k, loathe it. I was actually not planning to come, since I've just recovered and all, but the idea of meeting my lovely council mates, just spur my spirit. Besides, my entire life had been either them or them. Hah. OKay, major sidetrack. Alright, so duty was prize-givers again. Boring. I slept at backstage during the form teacher's well wishes. Nadia kept bugging me to go down cause the freaking heat was stimulating, but for the sake of my "ego", I decided not to. Stubborn, yeahh. Right...
Headed home with Emmy <3 Had our usual Pour&Tell sessions while she contemplates in going for her dance or not. Ahwell, her "rebel" intentions failed. So I head home while emmy head back to school.
Alright, just say that life's been really really...mm, unpredictable. VERY, indeed. Scary sometimes how I have to pace up with the changes lately.