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Monday, November 1, 2010, 5:25 PM
When you have lived almost your entire life being ignored, being second best, you become conditioned to feeling a certain way… feeling useless, ugly, pathetic, worthless. You eventually isolate yourself from the rest of the world. Over time you begin to believe it, so when the day comes that somebody is genuinely nice to you, somebody sincerely cares for you, compliments you, reaches out and touches you… you’re in disbelief, frozen in confusion. It even hurts a fraction to hear and feel such kindness being offered. Even the smallest gestures touch my soul, the smallest kindness will ease my suffering. You can’t even begin to understand what it means to me, to hear a few kind words… because one hundred percent of the time, I feel utterly and irrevocably disgusting in every sense.